Looking for a Way to Relax? Why do We get Stressed and What Can We do About It? There’s Actually a Lot We Can About It! Read To Find Out More.

Practicing a belly breath

Why is it so hard to think when emotions are running high? Anxiety, anger, stress— It’s like your body takes over and you’re on autopilot. Well, that’s actually what’s happening. But why is that? And is there anything you can do about it? Well, this wouldn’t be much of a blog post if I didn’t provide answers.

To begin with, when it comes to high levels of stress, what happens is that the part of our brain responsible for fight or flight is activated. This fight or flight response is important when there is actual danger. Say, in days of yore, a caveman was hunting and a tiger shows up. That caveman's brain would need to make an extremely quick judgment on whether to fight or run (or freeze, the third option). In doing so, the body needs to prioritize all of its resources to the legs and arms, thus slowing down digestion, thinking (IQ), and other less important functions in that moment so that you can breathe more quickly (heavy chest breathing-- this piece is going to be important in a moment), thus generating more energy for fleeing or fighting.

For the caveman, or perhaps for the person walking across the street and reacting to a car about to hit her, this fight or flight response (also called the stress response) is crucial. It can save his or her life. However, going back to the caveman, about 20-30 minutes after he escapes (hopefully he escaped!), his body will start to come back down to normal. He’ll begin to engage in more relaxed breathing again (belly breathing), his higher thinking functions (decision-making, logic, planning) come back online and digestion starts up again (also called rest and digest).

The problem for us is that this primal part of our brain responsible for fight or flight doesn't know the difference between real danger and imagined danger, between a tiger or being late to work… or getting into an argument, or being behind on a task at work, and so on (this flight or fight part of the brain isn't very bright). So, when we are physically safe our brains may still be sending alarm bells throughout the body even as there is no actual physical danger. You might notice when you are feeling anxious or stressed that you are breathing in a shallow manner in the chest area (told you we'd be coming back to this), thus generating energy for fight or flight. Yet, we have nothing to actually fight. 

So, what happens to those stress chemicals activating in the body if there is nothing to actually fight or run from? They build up and create ongoing stress, a buildup of stress, as it were. This can lead to feeling anxious or irritable or worse even when nothing feels particularly wrong. 

Fortunately, just as the body has a way to create stress chemicals to protect us in times of danger, this amazing machinery also has the ability to relax itself as well (also called the relaxation response). And this is why you may have heard of deep breathing exercises as a tool for inducing relaxation. Deep breathing literally counteracts the stress response (and believe me, we can stay in that stress response all day long, including when we are trying to fall asleep).

So I am offering you a deep breathing exercise that will take no more than 30 seconds. Think of it like being able to press a button for 30 seconds and feeling more relaxed. 

Here goes: It starts with a deep breath in through the nose to the count of 4 (you are breathing in for 4 seconds, not holding your breath for 4 seconds). Then breathe out for 5 seconds through the mouth as if you are blowing out hot soup or blowing through a straw (it’s often easier to exhale a deep breath through the mouth than the nose). Let the outbreath be slightly slower and longer than the inbreath. That's one set. Do this at least 4 times.

So, to reiterate, you will breathe in, and as you are breathing in, in your mind, you will be counting up to 4. Once you get to 4, you will then breathe out through the mouth counting to 5. Then (you guessed it), breathe in for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 5 seconds, breathe in for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 5 seconds, then one last time-- breathe in for 4 seconds, then breathe out for 5 seconds. So, all in all, 4 sets of in-and-outs. The idea is to take your time. If you struggle with sinus issues, you can do this exercise with your mouth instead if that helps.

Further, to get a sense of what a deep breath is, put one hand on your belly and the other on your chest (just like the picture up top). Concentrate on trying to breathe in through your belly (rather than your chest which most people are used to doing). You will know you are doing this correctly if your bottom hand rises in the air first (that means the air is going through your belly first) and then your top hand rises second. If you are not used to this, it will take a few tries to get the hang of. Don't worry, that's normal. This is just to give you a sense of what a belly breath is. You can think of it like blowing up a balloon in your belly.

When you have gotten the feel for what a belly breath is, then practice the deep breathing exercise outlined above (4 in, 5 out, 4 times). Then notice how you feel afterwards. Do you feel lightheaded? A little more relaxed? Does it feel unusual? Where is your awareness located right now? Whatever you are feeling or noticing, it will be a different experience than you are probably used to. That’s OK and to be expected. With a little practice, this will feel more like the norm.

My recommendation is to do this 3x a day. I typically recommend people do this in the morning (perhaps when you get up in order to start the day in a more relaxed state), right before lunch (so you aren't deep breathing with a full stomach), and shortly or right before you go to bed (to help you fall asleep more easily). I say 3x a day, but that's 3 times at minimum. As you get the hang of it (and it's easy to get the hang of it), then you can do it whenever you are feeling stressed or anxious or angry, what have you. You might be really surprised by the results. It's a matter of retraining the brain (the part in each of us that is not very bright) to recognize that you are not in any physical danger or actually being attacked, and thus, reducing the stress response that causes you to feel so uncomfortable. You can do this!

If you have any thoughts or questions, let me know!